How to build forgiveness in a relationship
A lot of times we all believe saying good bye is a true end to everything of bad relationships but Goodbye is not always the answer and this is the case for both old and new relationships. No matter the level of mistakes you are currently facing in your relationship, it’s always worth it to try again as long as you know that both of you are willing to still make it work, emphasis on BOTH, because one person cannot achieve it alone. Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a very important aspect in relationships .It helps to keep you healthy both emotionally and physically.
For a fact there are some things that cannot easily be forgiven, they can be forgiven but not as quickly as some other things, not only because of the hurt that they have caused but also because of how it already tainted your trust in your partner and in your relationship. If you are stuck in this cycle of constantly failing to forgive no matter how much your partner has changed, this article will help you understand in clearer times the reason(S) why you need to forgive.
One of the most important things I have experienced and learnt is that, forgiving and letting go may be one of the most important ways to keep you strong and sane. Some transgressions are so harmful and disastrous that a relationship may not be able to survive, but forgiveness can still play a role to healing and making things better, but of course time heals all wounds.
The Importance to your health
Holding onto hurts, disappointments, annoyances, even betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you will discover in no time that you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing your hurt (whether real or perceived) for too long can eventually make it turn into something more hate and extreme bitterness. And living a bitter life with who you supposedly love or care for only causes more damage than good.
Not being able to forgive can also wear you down. It takes both a physical and mental toll on you causing depression and sometimes suicide. Resentment gains momentum and chips away at the foundation of your well-being and your relationship. The magic is in being able to share your feelings.
The importance of forgiving your partner
Betrayal of trust is a hard pill to swallow. I have been there and still doing what I can to heal, there are a number of ways one can use to find a place of forgiveness when you have experienced betrayal. Look at each method and find the combination that works best for you.
- Be open to give and receive forgiveness.
- Make an intentional decision to forgive your partner.
- Think of a constructive and positive thing to do to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts, when images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind,
- Refrain from throwing an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date, yes I know this is difficult, but try; don’t use it as ammunition in an argument, it takes practice but try not to.
- Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression, behavior, or mistake, confession may be very difficult to give or listen to, so accept you may never get the full story and move on.
- Try not to seek revenge or retribution; trying to get even will only extend the pain and chances are good that this won’t really make you feel better anyway.
- Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you condone the hurtful behavior.
- Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your partner takes time. Don’t try to hurry the process.
Get professional counseling to help you let go and forgive if you are still unable to forgive, or you find yourself thinking on the betrayal or hurt regularly, it won’t be easy but better to make an attempt than nothing at all.
If you want the wound of a mistake to fully heal, you should stop touching it – because what comes after healing is forgiveness, especially if it was done by someone you truly love. Stop thinking about what happened in the past and how it made you feel – as long as the lessons have been learned, you should do your best to stop reliving the pain and hurt. Move on and everything will follow.
- Try Give your partner a second chance, if they want it and are willing to work for it.
People make mistakes and you, yourself, had your own share of regrets in the past. If you did something hurtful to someone you love like your partner, wouldn’t you want to be given a second chance? Just like how you think you deserve that chance, you should also give the same thought about your partner.
As long as you know that they know what they did, how it affected your relationship, and the things that they should do to avoid repeating the same mistakes, then they deserve that second chance.
- Appreciate the changes they’ve made or trying to make.
It can be hard for someone to change but do you wonder why they still try? Because they know that it’s the only way for them not to lose you – they want to stay and they’ll do everything for your relationship to be what it once was before, or better.
- Try to Make an effort to reach out.
Perhaps your partner doesn’t feel like talking about the mistakes that they have done in the past that they tend to be quiet about how they truly feel. Their need to be forgiven sometimes makes them scared that they might say the wrong words again, and it might make things worse. What you can do is to assure them that your relationship is their safe place – they should not stop being who they are or stop expressing their thoughts just because they’re afraid to offend their partner again.
- Tell yourself why you fell in love.
If all else fails, the best thing that you can do for yourself and your relationship is to remember why you are in this relationship in the first place. How did you fall in love? What are the things that you like about this person? What are the happiest memories you have together? Are those qualities still there?
- Pray for help and healing from God
Let your faith and spiritual strength show you the way to find forgiveness in your heart. Sometimes, when you are hurting and in pain, you lose the courage to forgive someone who had caused you pain. What you can do is to pray for enlightenment and guidance, for wisdom and for healing, so that you will be able to have the strength to give your love another chance.
- Together, start over with a new love story if they are willing to.
Let your road to forgiveness open a bigger door to a new stage in your relationship. Start over, start anew – and do this together. In order to build forgiveness in your relationship, you have to make an effort to take the first step. The road may look narrow and daunting, but never let this fear weaken your faith in the promise that you have made together.
How to Ask you partner for Forgiveness
If you are the one who has caused hurt and pain for your partner, you can ask for forgiveness in in order to rebuild trust in the relationship. Remember to give yourself and your partner time when working through the process. Time heals wounds if you allow it to.
- Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you’ve caused, let them see that you are sorry for what you have done.
- Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your partner again by repeating the hurtful behavior, any promise you make, you must fulfill.
- Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt, face them, deal with them directly and ensure it doesn’t happen again.
- Be open to making amends and settling for peace.
- Make a heartfelt and verbal apology; this includes a plan of action to make things right, sometimes words may not be enough.
- Be patient with your partner. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don’t dismiss your spouse’s feelings of betrayal by telling them to “get over it.” That will only make things worse.
Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven. No healthy relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness. But remember that forgiveness isn’t absolution.
Forgiveness is a conscious decision and a practice of releasing feelings of resentment. Forgiveness can provide you and your partner with the tools to process and move on. Even though you may find it find it difficult, being able to forgive is crucial for the long haul to so many things like your health, state of mind and general wellbeing, existing in an unforgiving state will destroy a lot of things for you. For you to succeed in living a fulfilled life, and enjoying relationships with others, you must learn to forgive. If it’s not working, then I pray God gives you the strength to make the necessary decisions and move. I wish you all the best!!!